Friday, December 31, 2010

Wiki Cat Leaks

Perhaps the biggest story of 2010 was Wiki Cat Leaks. Did you not know? My sources tell me that large stockpiles of stinky goodness and crunchy biscuits are kept in kitchen cupboards everywhere. All the while, kitties are led to believe that there are very limited supplies. Srsly.

Also, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Let's fight for more transparency in cupboards.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

A bitter pill to swallow

Outside of this very window is a pile of snow. I could care less but it makes the beans crazy.

I have to take two tablets every day. I now understand that when the lap lady offers me a blob of cheese, there's a pink pill within that needs to be spat out immediately after eating all the cheese.

That is all.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Almost wordless on a Wednesday

The dog ate my thyroid pill today.

FYI - in England we say "tablet" instead of pill but I forgot.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Cold Days

Oh hi...

Excuse me while I keep my nose warm. I've spent the entire day on the radiator and Pumpy tried to force me away from my spot but he got into big trouble because he bit me on my head. That's right. He Bit. Me. On. My. Head.

This is where I'll be for the entire weekend.

Friday, November 19, 2010


Would you look at this? The human beans took the dawg to the Remembrance Day service and she left paw prints on this nice lady's trousers. How rude.

I never ruin complete strangers clothing. I have, however, pulled and snagged some perfectly lovely wool sweaters that the lap lady owns.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Unexplained activity

I'm not sure but I may have seen a ghost this morning because I ran around like a crazy cat with my furs out. It was either that or it was that wonderful exuberance that comes over me whenever my litter is changed.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

This is my Cleopatra pose. You must admire my multiple bosoms.

Friday, November 5, 2010

My New Video Movie which I pay homage to Bruce Springsteen. THE BOSS. BRRRUUUUUUUCCE

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Sunday Art Blogging

This very disturbing painting was done by Lucien Freud and it's hanging in the Tate Gallery in London. Would you just look at the way that woman is holding that kitty? I don't know about you but if anyone ever tried to hold me that way my furs would stick straight out and I'd scratch for sure.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Dipping in

Here it appears that I'm practicing a swan dive but that's not really the case. I am preparing for the yoga position, karnapidasana. Afterwards I'll meditate for many hours.

Pumpy is still very fat, in case you are wondering about him. He would eat 20 times a day if allowed but that's now allowed in our house.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Violation of my God Given Rights (VGGR)

I am not allowed to sit on the table during meal times and also breakfast is late every single morning and I have to wait for my Cheerio milk.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Fat Cat

And I'm not talking about some Wall Street finance billionaire or banker. I'm talking about my brother, Pumpkin. Would you look at the belly on him? He needs a diet and an exercise program.

Friday, July 9, 2010

The Heat is on

Srsly.  It's hot here in England.  Look at me trying to find a cool spot on the floor.  I'm seemingly desperate... yet... I still like to lie in the blazing sun amongst the weeds in our garden.  

Yesterday the dog got too close to me and I slapped her and she cried.  It was gratifying.  Don't worry, I didn't slap her hard... just a little poke on her ear.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Breaking the Silence

I have something to say and it starts with an "M" and ends with a "W".

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

This photo was taken just after I put the smackdown on Pumpy for over-zealously cleaning himself. He does get carried away and it makes noises and vibrations that disturb my sleep.
As he was contrite, I forgave him quickly.

There are now sunbeams coming into the window(s) of the house and we fight over those, too.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Burroughs Speaks...

"You know… I think the only really important function for people is to feed their cat..."

-William S. Burroughs

If humans could only remember this there would be less war, less hatred, and more happiness for all. Especially cats.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

My Bro', Pumpkin

When it's time for our fudz, Pumpy gives the high five salute.
Then he's all like, "please lap lady... give me my fudz..."
Then he gets a smooch...
And I'm all like, "Ex-CUSE me! But I'm right here and I'm hungry too."

Saturday, May 1, 2010


Pumpy and I are doing a little run-down on the U.K. Elections.

The Tory Cat Manifesto:

1. We'll work for you if you work hard for England -- and your fudz. No free fudz for free-loading cats.
2. We must tighten our controls on alien cats in our back gardens. Deport all interlopers unless they are legal interlopers.

The Labour Cat Manifesto:

1. All poor cats shall have tinned stinky goodness. No cat will go without.
2. Diversity is embraced but white cats shall have dominion on sofas and ginger cats must not intrude. And dogs are out of the question.

The Liberal Democrat Cat Manifesto:

1. All fudz shall be equally distributed at fudz time in proportion to a cat's hunger.
2. Human immigration should be restricted but cats shall have open borders.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Let's Table It

This is the massage table that I am not allowed to sit on - which is why I sit on it every chance I get. Sometimes Pumpy and I have to go to the bedroom and stay there when this table gets pulled out and set up.

I have been going upstairs in the middle of the night to stare at the beans while they sleep. This seems to awaken them which I find fascinating.

That is all. For now.

Thursday, April 22, 2010


Two things: One of the boys who lives here took my box. And the dog rolled on a dead rat. I am not amused.

Saturday, April 17, 2010


There is some serious chit going down over England and it involves a volcano in Iceland. Human beans who have left this island can't make it back and all I can say is that I'm glad I never leave home. Pumpy and I are all about sleeping on the big sofa, eating in the dining room, sitting on the patio when the sun's out, and going back to the big sofa to catch up on our sleep. We'll never get stranded unless we accidentally get locked outside in the garden due to the fact that the lady bean forgets that we're outside and she locks the door. But eventually we make our way back inside to the big sofa which is where it's happening as far as Pumpy and I are concerned.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

She's been outflanked by the household Butter Lovers...

And she tries to kiss me even though she doesn't share her butter toast.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I had to go to the vet again! Twice this week. Once because I was spending waaay too much time in the litter box and the lady bean grew concerned. And the second time for a test and a jab, which I did not appreciate one single bit. When I got home I bathed myself for at least 40 minutes. It takes a long time to calm down my furs after I've been very upset like what I was at the vets.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Srsly. The dog has chased me up and down the stairs no less than three times in the past hour. Can someone Puhlease take her out for a walk?

The food dude gave me this cool box. I sit in it every day for at least one hour.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

As a card-carrying member of the local neighborhood watch committee, I am very discreet as to how I perform my surveillance. Notice how stupid the dog is.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

One Villa Please

The dog almost ordered a holiday villa in Croatia. It's true. And apparently it's quite easy to do if you just hit the right key with your paw. I've changed the channel on the Tee Vee before but never ordered anything off the internet. I must keep that in mind for future reference.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

So, she had the idea to read the paper, the silly woman.

Thank you all very much for your advice and concern regarding my fudz problem. I have decided, for now, to eat the senior pate selection made by Royal Canin. I would prefer fois gras, of course, but none has been offered to me and so I accept what has been offered -- and I repeat, for now.

Happy Valentine's Day to you all. I haven't made one this year because my mood has soured ever since the woman started putting drops in my eye - which really ticks me off. I will repay her one day.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Things have not gone well for me of late. I have a weepy eye and I hate my new fudz. I consulted with Dr. Emma Saunders at Castle Hill Veterinary Surgery and she gave me eye drops and new fudz which I liked until this very evening. I have announced to the household that I no longer like my fudz and I want the junk fudz that the grocery stores sell.

That is all.

Monday, February 1, 2010

This butter dish was purchased in the British Heart Foundation Charity Shop. I've inspected it thoroughly and I can assure you that it's cat-proof. No more rake marks in the butter for the time being.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Even if we spit on her, the dog would just eat it. She's like that.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Oh Hello!

Here I am doing an impersonation of a gargoyle. I'm on the table because a.) the dog bugs me, and b.) there was some Cheerio milk up there. Otherwise, I'm not much of a table sitter. I'm partial to heating vents and soft duvets.

Sometimes if the LL doesn't get out of bed in a timely manner, I sit on the floor next to the bed and howl. It's very irritating and usually gets her up rather quickly (although once it got me chased out of the bedroom.)

That is all.

Friday, January 15, 2010

The woman has given strict orders to Pumpy and the dog NOT TO TOUCH my fudz. They have to watch and salivate whilst I delicately nibble my dinner.

Friday, January 8, 2010

It certainly is nice to have a brother to sleep with when the winter winds blow cold.

I've taught the dog that if you just plain refuse to eat your fudz, the Lap Lady will give you new and different fudz until you signal your approval. I refused to eat my fudz for a few days and now I'm getting gravy plus some other kind of beefy stinky goodness.

Oh, and have I mentioned that it's cold over here? And snowy.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The southeast of England is having a bout of serious winter weather. Just look at this snow. We're stranded inside the house which doesn't bother me one single bit. We have a full stock of cat fudz and the radiators are all on and working.

Sunday, January 3, 2010


Just so you know, it's cold here in the south of England. And I'm sitting near a real fire... not one of those fake log fires. Oh no.

Someone blew in my face this morning when I made a polite request for breakfast at 5:30 AM. How rude.