After a short spell of poor health, we're sorry to report that Pearl passed away today. She will be missed.

Something Real

I'm sorry to report that things aren't going very well for me health-wise. But my brother Pumpy gave me a complete bath this morning and he even washed my eyes.

Royal Canin Fudz Gets Boring

I've gone off my fudz again. I definitely didn't eat Waltham's Feline Urinary Diet fudz. YUCK. Of late I've switched to Royal Canin fudz and that was OK for awhile but -- come on -- who wants to eat the same thing every day? I wants some junk fudz like what Pumpy and the dog eats. I'm stressing the lap lady out and she even had to call Royal Canin to get suggestions as to how I might like their fudz better but the only thing they said was that their fudz is made especially palatable for kitties and that I have to eat it and I can't have the junk fudz. I beg to differ, Royal Canin. Your fudz is boring and not fatty enough.

Stop with the Grooming Already!

Pumpy is over-grooming himself again. As you know, it irritates me because he disrupts my sleep when he moves around too much on the sofa and we fought about it again today.

Sometimes I almost prefer the dog.

Strategies

So my BFFB (Bean Friend For Breakfast) has left a treat for moi. (Red Arrow). Trouble is my favorite route to my milky delight (A) is blocked. Chair the wrong way. The direct jump (B) is blocked by the adverse projection of the spoon. The route via sofa, windowsill and through the curtains (C) is just too far and not cool!



My solution was elegant (if I do say so myself). Sofa, wait for Bean to move arm, jump over lap and laptop and voila!

A total eclipse of the sun

I've discovered that the sun disappears from the dining room window at about 10:55 A.M. and it reappears in the living room window at approximately 1:15 in the afternoon. Therefore, I surmise, there is an eclipse at our house. During this time I have been known to run from one window to the other in an attempt to find more sunbeams. When I can't find them, I fall asleep on the sofa next to Pumpy.

The French Word for Cat

...is Chat.



This here is Georgie and she lives in France. I know this because the beans have been away again and they brought back some cheese and photos of French cats. In true French style, Georgie isn't all hung up on her sexuality or her body. She is a free cat who doesn't mind showing the world what she's got.




I don't know this kitty's name but she is not as free as Georgie and I think she's a little cold because she doesn't have many furs.

And by the way, do you know that dawgs are allowed in the grocery store in France?

Feline Sniffles

Did I mention that Pumpy and I both have colds? We had to go to the doctor and get a jab. In our BACKSIDES!

We're sneezing less now but if we MUST sneeze, we make sure that we're sitting close to the beans cuz we spray snot.

Do you like to watch?

Pumpy and I have very strict toilet boundaries. We are extremely private and discreet when using our litter. The dog, however, LOVES to watch us and then, if the lap lady isn't paying close attention, the dog inspects every inch of our litter tray. I won't even tell you what other nasty thing she sometimes does because it's too disgusting even to write about it.

I'm going to insist on a curtain for my litter tray.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

This is a photo of Brown Kitty. She lives three doors down...next to the village pub... and if I told you that every dog in the village lives in fear of her would you believe me? It's absolutely true. I've seen her smack down big dogs with my own two eyes. We all pay homage to her and nobody -- NOBODY messes with Brown Kitty.

August Sun

More sun photos. The report from our house is: napping is at an all time high; Pumpy and I haven't had a fight in several days; We got new neighbors.

That is all.

A little help from my friends...

This lady is being trained to care for Pumpy and me while the beans go away for a long weekend. The lady has been told that she is not to make any attempt to pick me up and that stroking me whilst standing is out of the question. Therefore, she has been made to kneel beside me and offer gentle rubs while talking softly to me. She also knows that my tablets are embedded in a big pat of butter prior to offering them to me , thankyewverymuch.

This is going to work out fine.

London is Burning

The dog and I are on the lookout for traveling bands of marauders. Not to worry.

The Dining Room Window

This is how I keep tabs on the food dude when he's working from home. I sit in the dining room window and from this vantage point I can monitor both him and the birds in the back garden.

Today I was given sole rights to the tuna juice from a can of tuna and it was absolutely incomprehensible to the dog. Sorry DAWG. Tuna juice is mine -- and so is your dog food if you don't guard it carefully.

Computer Hacking

As was discussed in my previous post, this is how computer hacking occurs. Somebody leaves their laptop open -- DIRECTLY IN THE SUNBEAMS -- and a kitty hacks. Then it's all over but the crying.

Phone Hacking... Srsly

Some people are getting into big trouble over here on account of phone hacking. I, for one, have NEVER phone hacked. If a kitty's got to hack, it's best to find an antique wool rug, a nice duvet, or else hack into a pair of shoes. Never a phone.
P.S., I've been known to computer hack on occasion, it must be said.

Butter Dish Number 4

Bought at a charity shop for £1.99 and holding some lovely butter which is my favorite.

You may wonder why the humans continue to buy butter dishes when they seem to mysteriously break. I wonder this myself. Oh, there's always the promise of keeping the butter dish away from table tops and off of counter tops but humans eventually slip up. It's inevitable. And when they do, it's bye-bye ceramic and HELLLLOOOOO butter.

Helloooo Cupcake

If a human bean leaves a cupcake on the table then a kitty is not responsible for what happens to the buttercream frosting. That's all I'm sayin'.

Your Personal Alarm Clock

If you need to get up by 5 AM every morning, then you would LOVE living with me. I am nothing if not reliable and persistent. I absolutely forbid the woman to sleep any longer than I deem necessary and woe to her if she tries to shoo me away with a wave of her hand.

4th of July Cat Safety

DON'T LICK THE BBQ GRILL!. And if you get scared of the loud fireworks, go to the closet or to the darkest cabinet. But take a snack.

Happy 4th of July!

Home Alone

And another thing that I forgot to mention: We are going to be left in the care of the food dude for the weekend. Often times he sleeps in AND DOESN'T GET OUT OF BED to give us our fudz in a timely manner. Also, once he fed us the wrong fudz. Also, he broke our litter pan the last time we were left in his care.

Solstice

I do love to celebrate the summer solstice. It marks the beginning of summer which brings warm sunbeams, houseflies for me to hunt down and flatten, songbirds for me to watch from the dining room window, and an occasional sun bath on the patio.

Now I'm going to roll in some catnip and contemplate midsummer.

A nice cuppa

Pumpy and I don't drink tea, however, I will sniff it and contemplate it if there is a cup of tea near my sleeping spot. You may wish to make yourself a nice cuppa tea into which milk and/or sugar can be added. It's relaxing and has antioxidants. This is a known fact. The best way to enjoy a cup of tea is with a biscuit while watching the telly. This is my opinion only but if you drink your tea in a hurry or without sitting down, it is just wrong.

You may be thinking that for a kitty, I certainly know a lot about tea. And this is true. After all, I've lived in Engand now for almost eight years.

Squeezed Out

Sometimes Pumpy is needy to the point of being rude. We've been having lots of altercations lately and now you can see why.

Literary Cat

The Thing About Cats

Cats hang out with witches quite a lot;

that’s not it.

The thing about cats is

They’re always looking at you.

Especially when you’re asleep.

Some cats pretend they’re not looking

until you’re not looking.

They’re not to be trusted.

Some cats scowl because they’re wearing

imitation fur. They feel inferior.

Some other cats look at you straight on

so that you can’t drink your drink

or make love

but keep thinking

that cat’s looking at me straight on.

But all cats do the same:

they look at you

and you look out

and in.

A cat is not a conscience; I’m not

saying that.

What I am saying is

why are they looking?

John L’Heureux

A Drawing

This is one of my favorite drawings:

Band of Whiskers

Everyone is making a big deal about the dogs that accompany the military on important missions. Little do they know that cats have assisted our men and women in uniform for many years. The program started during WWII and continues today.

If you want to see the whole slideshow go to Slate or follow this linky:
http://www.slate.com/id/2293232/

A Royal Wedding

I let the dog borrow my crown.

Ding Dong the Bells are Gonna Chime

There will be a royal wedding tomorrow but more importantly, everyone gets a four day weekend.

Hurrah.

***Thank you Katnip Lounge for the very important question: Will the royal couple have a cat?***

We must write to the BBC as there has been no coverage on this.

Dawg Days Are Right Here

The dawg touched me on Saturday and it took me a good 1/2 hour to clean myself properly.

Holy Toledo. It's been more than a week since I last posted. Here I am helping our lady bean write my blog. I sit with her every morning and we read the news feeds together.

Spring is here and there are sunbeams on the carpet again! That should be headline news as far as I'm concerned. Funny but they don't print things like that in the NY Times.

The Food Dude

The Food Dude doesn't know very much about taking care of kitties. When tasked with feeding Pumpy and me last weekend he put dog food on our plate.
He also broke one of our litter pans whilst cleaning it (don't ask me how) and he put our clean litter in a paint tray instead. That just didn't seem right to us.

He needs a staff training day... deffo.

Sunday Rest and Relaxation

Last night I persuaded the lap lady to give me some stinky goodness at 11:00 P.M. It was delicious and I was so appreciative that after I ate I went upstairs and got in bed with her and slept on her head all night.

Top o' the morning...

Happy St. Patrick's Day! To help celebrate, Pumpy snagged a piece of ham off the kitchen counter last night. He's a good brother, is our Pumpy. Most of the time.